dreams3x: (claitchen - tied up)
So, over the past few days I've been trying to figure out what - exactly - I want out of this life of mine. The answer, after much contemplation, meditation and self-analysis is that I still have no idea. I'll figure it out someday, I'm sure. When I'm 90 or so I'll probably wake up one day and go, "AH-HAH!" But in the meantime, there is today and tomorrow and all the days inbetween now and the Ultimate Epiphany.

b5media terminated its contract with, not only me, but the entire entertainment section of its network. Without warning, they let go 50+ writers and shut us out of all our blogs. It's rumored that they will let go of the 150+ more that remain. All content has been refunneled to a new website called Crushable which will pick up where we left off and tackle the world of entertainment from all angles. Onwards, upwards and good luck.

I am not part of this new venture, but I still have a Grey's twitter account (@greysnews) with almost 5000 followers. It seemed stupid to let that go to waste, so today I launched Grey'sNews.com (http://www.greysnews.com) to take the place of the now defunct Grey's Anatomy News. It's kind of cool to have it all to myself. Sure, I won't be making much - if any - money from it, but I'm gonna keep on keeping on until it's no longer fun. So feel free to drop by - and please pardon the mess. I spent all day trying to get it ready for public viewing but it was a rushed job so ...

Anyway.

Whenever I feel aimless like this I have a tendency to want to do too many things at once. I buy 5 domains with 500 different ideas for 5000 different things I want to do. I start one project and another project. I announce to the world that I'm going to do X, Y and Z and then conquer the world in the process. And in the end I don't do anything and I get depressed at my lack of productivity. I'm getting old - or at least, older - so I'm aiming for more self-awareness. I'm giving it a shot, anyway.

I've narrowed my goals over the next few months down to the following three things:

1. Work on GreysNews and see if it's worth the investment in time/energy/money
2. Work on TBSOL and hopefully finish it once and for all
3. Sign up for a French course (a.k.a. go back to school) and get out of the apartment more

And then we'll just go from there...

So, the other night I watched a lesbian movie called Eloïse, which was actually not terrible. It wasn't wonderful, but it wasn't terrible. It was, however, unnecessarily depressing. But it wasn't as OMGWTF as something like El Niño Pez, which I did not enjoy at all. I'd summarize Eloïse thusly: cute girls, artsy, not-too-wtf, nekkidness, endingfail.

If I get a chance, tonight I might watch this other lesbian movie called Pusinky. The title makes me giggle, but I expect the film to a) bore me b) make me go omgwtf and/or c) depress me. And still I watch. Why? I know not.

Currently reading: Branded Ann by Merry Shannon. Lurve it.

.endrandomness
dreams3x: (writer)
Midnight Island has a brand spankin' new layout that I've been tweaking over the past few days. It's still not 100% done but I'm pretty happy with it so far. Next step is to get Rayne back online. The formatting has been giving me all sorts of trouble which is why I've not gotten it back up yet.

I'm about three scenes away from finishing Chapter 43. Hoping to post it by Wednesday.

Today, K and I caught up on Gossip Girl, which we love muchly. We also watched SVU last night and it sucked monkeys. Where oh where has that show gone? At least Olivia's hair looks good. That's really all the positivity I can bestow season 9.

I've not yet watched episodes 25 and 26 of Los Hombres de Paco because I'm trying to delay the gratification. But I'll likely cave in soon ...

I just drank coffee and my mind feels like it's going vrrroooooooom!, which is why this post is all sorts of scattered.

Lately, I feel myself slipping under a dark cloud when it comes to writing. It happens every so often that I start to question it all. It used to be a question of "am I good enough?" but lately it's become a question of "is this a worthwhile profession?" And I'm sure it isn't. Riches aren't going to come my way any time soon. But it's not so much the money. The not knowing what my blog pay will be at the end of a month, or what my royalty check is going to look like at the end of a quarter is part of it, but not all. I'm mostly scared that I'll never get out of this path I'm on. Writing novels is what I've always done, but it's not what I ultimately want to do. And I think what keeps me from going after what I really want to do is the fear that I won't be any good at it. It feels mostly like a dream. Only, I don't want it to be a dream.

I've been looking into an online course that'll at least get me started, but the timing is kind off on such an expense. It'll have to wait for spring semester. But at least there's that. The moving toward the ultimate goal makes me feel a little less hopeless.

Maybe I'll manage to sidestep this dark cloud after all.

Scattered I am.

Off I go. :)